Friday, August 13, 2010

IWB, I Will Hunt You Down and Destroy You!!

Editor's Note: This fictional story is a part of a continuing series that aims to explore various educational issues. This installment is a follow up to "IWB, I Loathe You" which explores how Mr. Lotta was impacted by a bad professional development experience. The follow up to this installment continues to explore Mr. Lotta's behavior. As the series progresses other elements will be explored as well.

By Jacob Gutnicki.

By design this series attempts not to espouse any particular point of view. In doing this, the reader can walk away with their own personal conclusions. Having said that, I know some people like this and some people find it infuriating. I hope this helps.

By Jacob Gutnicki

It started out like any other day with kids shuffling into the cafeteria to catch a little breakfast. As usual, the regulars are flinging cornflakes at each other, the bullies are tormenting the freshies and the dweebs, and the techies are texting each other all under the watchful eye of the Bill Perkinson; the new Assistant Principal. Except… today a Clever Board fell from its fixed position almost hitting Johnny.

“What to do you think your doing?”

“Oh, I’m sorry it was an accident. So sorry.”

“You bet you are. That’s the last mistake you’ll ever make!”

Suddenly, Johnny pulled a concealed object from his coat pocket. Bill Perkinson hears a commotion and approaches Johnny.

“Get away from me Perkinson or I start shooting!”

“Johnny, take it easy.”

“Who the hell asked you? Get on your knees now. Now! Now!”

“OK Johnny, I am getting on my knees. Now, why don’t you put the weapon down.”

“This ain’t no TV show chump! Start licking the floor! Lick it good!”

Suddenly, Johnny flinched his hand. Needless to say, the students in the cafeteria were frightened. Several of them began to cry and Bill Perkinson fainted. In walks Michael Lotta sipping his coffee. “Johnny, put that Clever Board eraser away or so help me I’m gonna twist you like a pretzel.”

Johnny, puts the Clever Board eraser down and begins weeping. Michael signals the security officer and tells her to immediately remove Johnny. Michael then talks to the students and assures them everything is under control.

Over the next 30 minutes several students tweet the story to their friends. One hour later… A swarm of reporters are trying to enter the building. They want to know if it’s true that the A.P. passed out and how Michael Lotta single-handedly saved the day. Michael Lotta directed the reporters away from the school, as he did not want the students exposed to the pandemonium. However, the reporters would not leave. Michael then suggests that the interviews take place at an off site location. The reporters begrudgingly agree to this request.

Two hours later… the following interview excerpts are released;

Interviewer- How did you know it was an eraser?

Michael Lotta- Two things- As a veteran teacher I am familiar will all the erasers on the market; even the ones carried by the Clever Board company. Additionally, no weapon would have passed through our metal detectors.

Interviewer- Johnny, why did you suddenly drop the charade when Mr. Lotta walked in?

Johnny- Everyone knows, not to mess with Michael Lotta.

Interviewer- Mr. Perkinson, what the hell happened? I mean, why did you faint?

Bill Perkinson- Umm… Well. I suppose it wasn’t my finest moment.

Three hours later… The school board holds an emergency meeting and two resolutions are passed. By unanimous vote the school board decides to fire Bill Perkinson for gross incompetence and promotes Michael Lotta to the position of Assistant Principal of Security and Mathematics.

Two hours later…

Principal- You have done well.

Mr. Lotta- Today is a day that will long be remembered. We have seen the last of Perkinson and we will soon stamp out the use of Clever Boards.

Principal- Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen. Commence with executive order 66. Begin replacing Clever Boards with the far superior Overhead Projector.

Mr. Lotta- It shall be my pleasure madam.

Principal- And how is the wifi detector project coming along?

Mr. Lotta-It is almost ready.

Principal- Excellent!!!

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Blogger's Note: Like this story? You can read other parts in the series here.

Coming Soon… The Empire Strikes Back

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